There's a definite feeling of self-hatred hanging over the first half of the fic.
She also wrote a really memorable story for a pairing I've only ever read from her, which was ryuuken/uryuu ishida, it was called 'home' and featured uryuu battling with an awkward love for his father - he explains it as how he'd taken over for his mother (after her death), in cooking and cleaning and tie-fixing and lunchbox making, and how he wanted the same benefits afforded to her for himself his father's unprejudiced ear and his physical love. She (and that is an assumption on my part) also writes a couple of byakuya/ichigo fics, one in particular where they're sharing a bath and talking about apologies - how Hisana had apologised for not loving byakuya, and he'd been holding onto his bitterness about it for years, but Ichigo tells him that at least she apologised, and that was more than some people got and all you could really ask from someone. In another it's their academy days and they train in a field where you can see stars above you and they meander back to their dorm and it's a 'first time' fic with beautiful little images of how shunsui gets clocked in the nose when ukitake starts coughing and in the years to come he avoids it by almost knowing how many coughs till ukitake covers his mouth, and how the water shunsui passes him makes his lips wet and slightly pink because of his cough. There were a couple of shunuki fics - with the two of them in the library searching for information after Aizen's betrayal and ukitake falls off the ladder and shunsui helps him down, they talk about why shunsui has sake and he jokingly asks if libraries are dry, then they make love. Okay, she wrote bleach slash/Yaoi fiction. I've been driving myself loopy trying to find an amazing author - you know, one of those that you read all their stuff even though it's not your otp and it still gets you? Well, this author was on ff.net, but for whatever reason it says story not found for the one I bookmarked.